The past month

I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper - Demi Lovato

It's been a month since I miscarried and physically my body is almost 'healed' and back to normal my period should start on a normal cycle again sometime this month, but mentally this past month as been like going to hell and back. Thankfully love and support from Lucas and my boys i'm working my way back to sanity. Kye and Zayn are still growing - I really just want them to stop! Zayn is now 10 months and will be taking his first steps any day now! He's going to be an earlier walker but he's been able to copy and learn from his big brother. Kye walked at 11.5 months and it looks like Zayn will walk at 10.5 months so not too much of a difference. Kye is developing friendships and his social development has gone into overdrive the conversations I can have have with him is amazing! He's developed an interest in dinosaurs after his daycare had a dinosaur interest area one week and he can name lots of them and tells me facts about different ones. His cars and trucks have kind of taken a backseat to this new interest and his carers at daycare have been amazing in helping facilitate and extend this interest into different areas. I can't believe in under 2 months Zayn will be a year old! I remember Kye's first birthday like it was yesterday now my baby is going to be one :( Lucas and I are starting to plan his party. Nothing fancy as he won't even remember it or know what's going on but because he's born in spring thinking just having a picnic BBQ in our local park. Lucas and I are still going really strong, I wouldn't have made it through the last month without him. He is now back home with us as his job relocated him back here to be with me after I lost the baby. We both bring our the best in each other and I feel so happy and comfortable around him. I haven't had contact with Thomas in a few weeks which for me doesn't bother me but for the sake of Kye and Zayn it hurts a lot. I just wish he would want to be there - not just wanting to be there when I say he can't just to defy me. But one day he'll wake up and realize that he lost the two best things that ever happened to him and sadly then it will be too late.

Hopefully I'll be blogging a little more the coming weeks I have a few different things I want to write up about my schooling, job, relationship, Zayn's birthday party planning etc. Hope everyone is well, I don't even know if people still read my blog or not.. oh well (: