Isolated..

This past week has been really busy for me, busier than normal which is pretty insane and you would think among all the craziness I would have time to scratch myself let along feel completely isolated and cut off from the world. I'm still living with my mum but we are barely talking, we do our own thing and some days we don't even see each other. I'm taking care of my two boys on my own plus taking full time classes. But I feel completely alone, I just feel overwhelmed and in some ways broken. The last few nights I have just felt like a ghost, doing what needs to be done and not really feeling.. it's hard to explain. My phone rarely ever rings because it seems like people have forgotten about me because i'm not there getting drunk with them everynight. I even feel disconnected from Lucas I haven't actually seen him since Monday because he's extremely busy at work and has also have some family problems but I feel he's closing up to me and not making an effort, but then again maybe i'm not.. I find myself thinking of Tom a lot as well, blaming him, hating him, forgiving him, wondering what would happen if I had fought our darkness one last time. I just don't know what's wrong with me.